Quiet Hill
by Vampire Hunter X
Summary: Parody of the game's story. It may never seem as scary after reading this. The final chapter is up. Enjoy.
1. The Beginning

Quiet Hill (Part 1)   
  


It had been ten hours since they left the house. It would have been less time, but Harry insisted that they not stop to go to the bathroom. This lead to more trouble than it was worth. They would soon reach their destination, the resort town of Quiet Hill. 

Harry had lost his wife in a tragic water skiing accident a few years ago, and was left alone to raise his seven year old daughter Cheryl. They got along pretty well, and often went on vacation with each other. This year they were looking for something peaceful. That's why they decided to go to Quiet Hill. Big mistake. 

As Harry continued driving, fighting to stay awake, a motor cycle suddenly pulled up along side them. Harry noticed that the rider was a woman and winked at her. At this, the woman got a disgusted look on her face and picked up speed. 

Harry: Bitch. 

They continued on for a few minutes until he noticed the same motor cycle wrecked on the side of the road. Stupidly, Harry rubbernecked out his window to see the accident. As he did this the female rider stumbled in front of the vehicle. Harry looked back just in time to see her. He swerved to the left. As he did this, another figure wearing blue walked onto the road. Harry swerved to the right. Next, Final Fantasy 8 star Squall walked onto the road. Harry stepped on the accelerator. The car nailed the man, and flew off of the hillside that was behind him. 

Harry: AHHHHH!!! 

Cheryl: NOOOOOO!!!! 

Squall: Whatever... 

The car landed with a crash, and knocked Harry unconscious. When he awoke, he found that Cheryl was nowhere to be found. He began to look around the town for her, even though he had no idea where to start. What made matters worse was that the town was covered by a thick fog and snow was falling, both at the same time. Don't ask how this could happen, because nobody knows. 

Harry continued down the street until he saw Cheryl standing on a street corner. 

Cheryl: Hey buddy, lookin' for a good time? 

Harry: Cheryl? 

Cheryl: Oh crap, busted. 

She took off running down the street, and Harry gave chase. Even though he was a full grown adult and had much longer legs, Harry just couldn't manage to keep up with her. Talk about out of shape. 

Harry continued following his daughter down a nearby alley, full of twists and turns. As soon as he walked through a gate the entire alley grew dark. Unable to see two feet in front of his face, Harry lit a match. He continued following the path, which had now become saturated with blood, until he suddenly burned his hand. 

Harry: Ow! 

He lit another match and kept going. At the end of the alley was a man hung up on the fence. His skin had been torn off and blood oozed out of every orifice. As Harry looked at it, he began to hear voices behind him. Harry turned around to see that three skinless children holding knives had crept up behind him. 

Child: Hand over all your money. 

Harry: No! 

Child: Okay, you asked for it. 

The three children lunged at Harry. Unable to take any pain, he collapsed after the first blade grazed his skin. 

Harry: No, mommy, I don't wanna be the pink bunny again for Halloween. Noooooo. 

Harry sat up in a flash. He looked around to see that he wasn't in the alley any more, but was now in a beat up old diner. Harry looked over to see a woman walking towards him. It was the same woman on the motor cycle. 

Woman: So you're the idiot who almost hit me back there? 

Harry: Yeah, but I... 

The woman punched Harry in the nose and knocked him out again. 

When Harry woke up again he noticed the woman sitting in a nearby chair staring at him. 

Woman: For a guy who has such fruity dreams you really should learn to stop talking in your sleep. So how do you feel? 

Harry: Like I've been run over by a truck. Wait, no, it was a jeep. My jeep, when it rolled over top of me. But I'm all right, I guess. 

Woman: Well I guess you're not from around here, right? 

Harry: Nope. You? 

Woman: No. I'm Cybil Bennet from over in Brahms. You... 

Harry: Harry Mason. Detroit. 

Cybil: Really? I would've guessed you a definite yuppie. 

Harry: What? 

Cybil: Never mind. So, you in town on vacation. 

Harry: I was. I came here with my daughter. You haven't seen her, have you? 

Cybil: Sorry. 

Harry: Well, I guess this wouldn't be a very long game if you had. 

Cybil: I hope she's not out there. There's a bunch of demons flying around. 

Harry: Well, I guess I'll be going. 

Cybil: Didn't you hear me? There are huge monsters out there. 

Harry: Mobsters? Oh no. 

Cybil: No, not mobsters, monsters. You know, nasty things with sharp teeth and claws. 

Harry: Will you come with me? 

Cybil: I can't. I have to uh...go for help. Yeah that's it. Why don't you take my gun. 

Cybil handed Harry the gun, and gave him a big preachy speech about who and who not to shoot, and about how violence is never the answer. When she had finished... 

Cybil: Well I've gotta get going. Why don't you go and check the school. 

Harry: Why the school? 

Cybil: Because we don't have all day for you to go around looking for a bunch of damn keys before you get there. 

Harry: Oh, I see. 

He really didn't, but he tried not to look stupid. Cybil took off down the road, leaving Harry alone. He walked around picking up a few things, and went to leave. Suddenly the broken radio on the table began to emit a strange and annoying sound. 

Harry: Lousy AM only piece of crap. 

As he picked the thing up, the windows smashed and a winged demon flew in. Harry pointed the gun at the creature, pulled the trigger, and missed it by about twelve feet. Hey, I never said he was a marksman. Even the demon seemed to be amazed that he could miss when he was so close. Harry tried again, and this time shot out one of the lights on the ceiling. Glass rained down on the creature. Blinded, the thing began to flail it's wings until one of them struck the wires of the broken light and electrocuted it. 

Harry: See, I'm getting better already. 

Harry checked his map and found the school. On his way there he encountered many more monsters. Usually they would have attacked him, but all they did was laugh at the way Harry ran. It looked like he had a huge stick up his ass. 

As he neared the school, the sky grew dark again. Harry turned on his little flash light, which really put out a lot of light for such a little thing, and picked up his pace. At last he reached the doors of the school and ran inside. The place was vacant. He looked around, but didn't see his daughter anywhere. 

To his left he noticed a door and decided to check it out, but the door was jammed and would not open. There was another door at the other end of the hall, and he decided that he would check this one next. He began to run down the hall, but he couldn't slow down when he got to it. Harry ran face first into the door and was knocked out, again. 

When he woke up the place looked very different. The walls looked burnt and the floor was made of metal grating. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed three figures walking towards him. 

Child: Hey, you're that cheap bastard from the alley. Guess you didn't get enough back there, huh? 

Harry took off running, but tripped over something. He looked down to see that it was a pink rubber ball. Quickly, he threw the ball to the three skinless children. 

Child: What the...ooooooooh. 

The three children took the ball and began to play catch. 

Harry: Aww, that's so cute. 

Harry continued to explore the school. After a few minutes of searching he found himself in a room with three telephones on a table. Of course, none of them worked. As he went to exit the room one of the phones mysteriously rang. 

Harry: Wonder who it is. 

Voice: Hello, Harry Mason? 

Harry: Yes? 

Voice: This is Peggy from Sprint. Are you completely satisfied with your current long distance calling plan? 

Harry: How do you people keep finding me?!? 

Harry slammed the phone down and ran out of the room. 

In time, Harry made his way into an underground room with a large machine spewing fire in the center. From behind the machine emerged a huge lizard creature with huge front legs and tiny little baby legs in the back. At first the thing just walked around completely oblivious to Harry, even running in to him a few times. 

Harry: Hey, dumb ass, watch where you step! 

The creature was insulted by this, and decided that Harry would make a nice snack. It opened it's huge mouth, spilling out it's acid like saliva and breathing it's horrible breath. The thing made a quick lunge and picked up Harry in it's mouth. As the thing tried to swallow him, Harry pulled out his gun and fired. Now with a 100% chance of hitting the thing, Harry couldn't miss, could he? Unfortunately, he could. The bullet went right between the lizards closed lips and struck the mechanism in the center of the room. You know, if he tried to miss all the time he'd be great. Lucky for Harry, the machine was damaged by the shot and began to spin out of control. The creature was unable to avoid the wildly spinning flame thrower and was soon set ablaze. It screamed in pain as it died. As it melted faster than the Wicked Witch of the West, loud sirens could be heard in the distance. 

When Harry opened his eyes, he was no longer in the large room, but was now in an old boiler room. As he walked back upstairs he learned that it was light again. The faint sound of church bells could be heard ringing through the town. 

Harry: Maybe the person ringing the bell is at the church. 

Apparently Harry had never heard of automated church bells. As he made his way out he had to unlock all the doors in the school, even the ones he had already walked through. Wouldn't it be weird if all this time Harry was going around killing what he thought were monsters, he was murdering innocent children who had come to school. And that was why the doors were locked, because school was in session. Wow, that's creepy. I just weirded myself out with that one. 

Lucky for Harry, when he got to the church there was someone there. An ugly old lady wearing an even uglier striped tie stood near the alter. 

Harry: Are you the one who was ringing the bells? 

Woman: No. That was the automated computer system. 

Told ya. 

Harry: Who are you? 

Woman: I knew you'd come. It was foretold by gyromancy. 

Harry: Mmmm, gyro. 

He hadn't realized how hungry he was until now. As the old woman talked, Harry formulated a plan to break into one of the local restaurants. Then maybe the bank. 

Woman: I am Dahlia Galespie. You want the girl, right? 

Harry: You mean Cheryl? Answer me you wrinkled old hag, or I'll beat an answer out of you. 

Dahlia: Stay back. I have mace. There is nothing to be gained from floundering around at random. You must follow the path... the path of the hermit, concealed by Flaros. 

Harry: Ah, Kermit. A wise frog, indeed. 

Dahlia: You must go to the hospital, before it's too late. 

Harry: Why? Oh no, I'm infected with something that's gonna make me like those monsters. That's it, isn't it? 

As Harry talked the woman placed something on the podium and ran out of the room. 

Harry: Hmmm... what's this? 

Harry looked at the items the woman had left. There was a strange looking item resembling a pyramid and a key beneath it. No matter how hard Harry tried, he could not pick up the key without first taking the pyramid. He picked it up and looked at it. On the bottom it had written: 

Silent Hill Museum 

Egyptian Exhibit 

1987 

Harry took both of the items and left the church. Outside, he remembered what the woman had told him. He had to get to the hospital. He thought for a moment, and decided on the easiest way to get there. He ran out into the street, and waited to be struck by a car. Sadly, after many minutes, none came. It looked as if he would have to walk to the hospital. 


	2. The Middle

Quiet Hill (Part 2)   
  


After a bunch of stuff that really isn't worth talking about, Harry made his way to the hospital. It was an old place with lime green paint on the walls. He walked around the lobby for a little bit, when the sound of a gunshot suddenly echoed from a nearby room. Cautiously, he opened the door. One of the winged demons lie dead on the floor, and a well dressed man holding a gun sat in a chair. 

Harry: Cybil was wrong. There are mobsters in this town. 

The well dressed man rose from his chair and fired at Harry. 

Harry: Wait don't shoot. I'm Harry Mason. I'm here on vacation. 

Man: I hate tourists. 

The man fired again, coming within six inches of Harry's head. 

Harry: I'm just looking for my daughter, Cheryl. Have you seen her? 

Man: She's out there? Then she's probably dead. Yeah, I bet one of those monsters had itself an early Thanksgiving when it got hold of her. 

Harry: What? 

Man: Oh, sorry. I can be a real insensitive jerk at times. I'm Michael Kaufmann. 

Harry: What's happening in this town? 

Kaufmann: I don't know. I was out partying late last night and didn't get much sleep. I was in my office taking a nap when this happened. Those creatures. Have you ever seen such things? 

Harry: Actually, one time I was... 

Kaufman looked at his watch. 

Kaufmann: Oh, look at the time. I've gotta go. Places to go, people to see, drugs to push. 

Harry: Yeah, I know how it is. 

Kaufmann walked out the door, and Harry decided to explore the hospital. He came across a strange red liquid, which he mistook for Kool-Aid, and took a taste. 

Harry: Oh, man. That is horrible. I think they forgot to add the sugar. 

He put some in a plastic jug and continued. Further down the hall, he came across a vending machine. Remembering his appetite again, Harry fished in his pocket for some change. He soon found a few coins and put them into the machine, but the machine was jammed and would not vend. Harry began to kick and scream at the machine. 

Harry: You son-of-a-bitch, give me back my twenty five cents! 

The machine toppled over, and Harry ducked into the nearby elevator before anybody could come out and yell. He pushed one of the buttons, and the elevator began to move. 

When the doors opened, Harry found himself in a small sitting room. He tried the doors on his left, but they were locked. He took the elevator up to the next floor, but the same thing happened. 

Upon returning to the elevator, Harry pressed the final button. Now most people would have been freaked out by the fact that a fourth button had just appeared out of nowhere on the panel, but seeing as how Harry wasn't all that great with numbers it made no difference to him. 

Harry: Yes, someplace I haven't been yet. Wait, it looks like the school did. That's not good. 

With nowhere else to go, Harry opened the doors and began walking down the misty hall. As he continued on, the doors he walked through mysteriously locked from the other side. This poses the problem of how the person who locked the first one got over to the second one. It must have been more than one of them. I could just picture a bunch of monsters using two way radios. 

Doctor: Okay, he's walking your way. Get ready to lock him in. 

Nurse: Why are we doing this again? 

Doctor: So he can't go back the way he came. 

Nurse: What's the difference? The elevator isn't working now. 

Doctor: Good point. Okay, let's just do it to freak him out. 

Nurse: Cool. 

Harry walked down a couple flights of stairs and entered the door to the second floor. Inside, he found a hunched over nurse holding a knife and muttering to herself. 

Harry: Excuse me, but have you seen a little girl. Short black hair, just turned seven. 

The evil nurse came at him with the knife and Harry screamed like a little girl. He ran into a nearby room to escape, and found a video tape inside. 

Harry: Cool. I hope it's Spaceballs. 

He put the tape in the VCR that was in the same room and began to play it. Nothing could be seen but static, and the sound was barely audible. 

Harry: Don't these people realize that a VCR can't record scrambled porn? 

He kept the tape and left the room. He looked around the hospital a bit more and found a large sledge hammer. 

Harry: Yes, now I can break things. Breaking things is fun. 

After a few minutes he managed to reach the first floor. Things were beginning to look familiar at this point. Harry remembered which door he had come through when he had first entered the hospital and decided to try it again. 

Inside, Harry saw the same book shelves that were there the first time. He walked to the door on the other side of the room and tried to open it, but it was locked. On the other side of the door something made a sound like footsteps. 

Harry: Hey, is somebody there? Could you do me a favor and open the door? Unless you're one of those weird monsters, in which case don't open it. If you do, I'm gonna shoot you. 

Oh yeah, like he could really hit something. Harry thought about it, and decided that he might have better luck using the sledge hammer. The door unlocked and Harry walked inside. Inside the examination room he shined his light on everything. 

Suddenly, a figure crawled out from under a table and grabbed on to Harry. Without realizing that this person was a human, he began to swing the hammer at it. 

Girl: Stop, I'm a human. 

Harry: That's what they all say. 

Girl: No they don't. They say shfihretfijgvfirhuhfun. 

Harry: Oh yeah. Do you work here? 

Girl: Does this look like the kind of place that someone like me would work in!?! I'm Lisa Garland. Who are you? 

Harry: Harry Mason. 

Lisa: Perry Mason? Can I have your autograph for my mom? She loves your show. 

Harry: No, I'm Harry, not Perry. 

Lisa: Oh, sorry. 

Harry: Hey Lisa, do have any idea what that weird stuff in the basement is? 

Lisa: What weird stuff? 

Harry: Well there really isn't anything down there that's that different from the weird stuff in the rest of the hospital. It's really more of a plot device to get you to go down there. 

Lisa: Oh, I see. 

As Lisa spoke, the siren noises started up again. Either something strange was about to happen, or all the blows to the head that Harry had suffered were finally getting to him. When he opened his eyes he found himself back in the normal hospital. 

Harry: Was I dreaming? 

The door opened and closed, and Dahlia Galespie entered. 

Dahlia: You were too late. 

Harry: Too late? How the hell could I be too late? I bypassed more than half the stuff you really have to do in the game. 

Dahlia: Never mind that. You must stop the town from being devoured by the darkness. 

Harry: You want me to stop the sun from setting? 

Dahlia: No, you fool. It is the mark of Samael. You must not let it be completed. 

Harry: Huh? 

Dahlia: You must go to the other church. 

Harry: What other church? 

Dahlia: Well, actually it not really a church so much as it's a table with some evil worship tools on it. But you must get to it. 

Dahlia pulled something from her pocket that looked like a piece of broccoli and placed it on the table, then left the room. 

Harry: That woman is freaky. 

Harry picked up the item she had left, and learned that it was the key to an antique shop. He found it on the map and began to make his way there. Along the way he met up with many more enemies that he was unable to hit, and just ended up wasting more bullets. When he arrived at the antique shop, Harry used the key and entered. It was a real dive, and hadn't been dusted since Nixon was in office. To tell the truth, it wasn't all that great of a store. It had an old grandfather clock, and a couch. That was all. Either they had just conducted a really big clearance sale or it was just a poor excuse for an antique store. 

Harry walked over to the wall opposite of where he had entered, decided to rest against it. As he leaned on it he dozed off and began to slide down the wall. On the way down he hit the cabinet that sat against the wall and knocked it out of the way. Hidden behind the cabinet was a large hole in the wall, which lead to a small cave. As Harry inspected the cave, the door opened and closed. 

Cybil: Harry. 

Harry: Cybil. 

Cybil threw her arms around Harry, and Harry coped a feel. Or is it felt a cop? Anyways, the two began to talk. 

Cybil: Did you find a way out? 

Harry: Yep, the sky. Nothings stooping us from leaving that way. 

Cybil: Harry, be serious. 

Harry: I am serious. All we have to do is get to the roof and signal Brad in the helicopter to come pick us up. Then we fight the Tyrant and... 

Cybil: Wrong game, Harry. 

Harry: Oh, sorry. With everything that was scary gone from the story, for a minute I thought we we're in a survival horror game. 

Cybil: Understandable. 

Harry: So, did you se Cheryl? 

Cybil: Yes, I did. She was heading south on Bachman road. But... 

Harry: But what? 

Cybil: The road had been destroyed. There was nowhere to go. 

Harry: That means Cheryl's learned how to fly. Just like in Dragon Ball Z. If I can learn how to do a destructo disk, that would really help me out. 

Cybil then noticed the hole in the wall. 

Cybil: What's this? 

Harry: It's a hole, Cybil. Jeez, and they say I'm dumb. 

Cybil: I mean what's inside? 

Harry: I don't know. I'll go and check. 

Cybil: I should go first. I'm a cop. 

Harry: You're not going to find a donut shop through here Cybil. Besides, finders keepers. It's mine, so I go first. 

Cybil: Fine. 

Harry: Hey, have you ever heard of a woman named Dahlia Galespie? She says that the town is being devoured by darkness. 

Cybil: Probably on drugs. 

Harry: Okay. One more thing. Have you been experiencing something weird? It's like another world. 

Cybil: Harry, are you on drugs, too? 

Harry: No, no. 

Cybil: Harry, you're tired, and you're cranky. You need a nap. 

Harry: I don't wanna. You can't make me. Nooooooo..... 

With that, Harry ran into the cave and hid. Inside, he found the alter that Dahlia had told him about. There was a golden chalice sitting on it, and a picture that looked like something you'd see on an Ozzy CD. Harry didn't see anything that would help him find his daughter, so he turned to leave. On his way out, a fireball suddenly formed in the chalice and shot in Harry's direction. Like the dumbass that he was, Harry stood still and let the thing nail him in the face. 

Cybil: Harry, if you come out I'll give you an ice cream cone. Harry? Now where did that idiot go? 


	3. The End

Quiet Hill (Part 3)   
  


Harry opened his eyes to see Lisa sitting in front of him. He was back at the hospital. 

Lisa: Harry, you were having a bad dream. 

Harry: Lisa? How did I get back here? 

Lisa: You never left. You just passed out on the floor. 

Harry: Yes I did. I met that weird Dahlia Galespie woman again. Do you know who she is. 

Lisa: How could you not, with the way she dresses? I heard her daughter was almost killed in a fire a few years ago. Can you imagine that? Her having children. That's just sick. 

Harry: She said something about the town being devoured by darkness. Do you know what this means? 

Lisa: There used to be this dark worship group around here. They used do get together and practice black magic and incantations. Weird occult stuff like that. 

Harry: Occult? 

The use of the large word confused Harry and made his head spin. 

Lisa: Then a bunch of new people moved into town, and everyone kept quiet about things. I'm sorry. I'm rambling. I'll shut up now. 

Harry: Yeah, you were getting kind of annoying there. Do you know how to get across the lake? 

Lisa: You take Bachman road, hang a right past the Dairy Queen, and keep going straight. Can't miss it. 

Harry: The road's been destroyed. Is there any other way? 

Lisa: Unless you have a boat, you'll have to go through the sewers. Sucks to be you. 

Harry woke up and found himself in another new room. He wasn't at all phased at all by the fact that there were dead bodies wearing straight jackets tied to the walls. 

Harry: Was I dreaming? Or is this a dream? Or is any of this a dream? Or is any of this real? Or is life itself real? 

Harry contemplated the meaning of existence for a few minutes, and although it was extremely funny we don't have enough time to talk about it. Let's just say that he concluded that life was like a cupcake, and leave it at that. 

He exited the room he was in, and found himself back on the street. Only this time, they were burnt like the school and the hospital. He began to run for a little while, until he found himself outside the local shopping mall. Harry noticed a sign on the door. 

Harry: 50% off all sporting goods? Dude, I am there. 

Harry ran into the mall and began to walk up the escalator. Suddenly, the large television screen next to the escalator sprung to life, and showed a girl. 

Girl: I'll bid $700, Bob. 

Bob Barker: The actual retail value on the sofa is $750. Come on up here Maurine. 

Harry stopped there for a while and watched the show. 

Harry: No, you idiot! Put that price on the boat! 

When the show was over, Harry continued his search for the sporting goods store. When he got to the top of the escalator, the ground suddenly fell out from under him. Harry landed with a thud. As he stood up, an enormous caterpillar emerged from the ground. 

Harry: If only I had a really big jar. 

Harry prepared to fight the thing. Lucky for him, it just squirmed out the door. 

Harry: What? I'm not good enough for you to eat? 

Harry began to run through the streets again. The monsters here were more aggressive than before, and didn't care how funny it was to see Harry walk. They were out for blood. No matter how fast Harry ran, the monsters were right on his tail. Even with his flashlight turned off, they could still find him. What Harry didn't know is that all the monsters were equipped with the most high tech night vision goggles that money could buy. Strangely, all the roads led him to the hospital. Harry entered and found Lisa again. 

Lisa: Hey, Harry. You need something? 

Harry: Not really. I just couldn't go anywhere else. The road wouldn't let me. 

Lisa: Oh, sure. The road wouldn't let you. Don't try to hide your feelings for me, Harry. I can read you like a book. 

Harry: I write books. You should read them, not me. 

Lisa: Stay with me, Harry. I'm scared. And I'm cold. And I'm hungry. I want a pizza. Go out and get me one of those. 

Harry: Uh, okay. 

So Harry left the hospital and began his quest for a pizza. Now, only one long strip of the road remained, leading Harry to the building across the street. With nowhere else to go, he climbed to the roof to see if there was a pizza shop nearby. 

As he looked out at the darkness, Harry could hear a loud flapping noise from behind him. He turned around to see a gigantic moth hovering over him. 

Harry: Oh no. It's a mammoth moth. It's Mamoth. 

Mamoth began shooting poison at Harry. Harry attempted to shoot the thing. Take a wild guess how that turned out. 

Harry: My bullets are useless against this thing. 

The bullets may have had more of an affect if he had managed to connect with one. Harry began to run frantically around the roof and Mamoth gave chase. As Mamoth prepared to attack, Harry jumped behind the large satellite dish that was on the roof. Mamoth, unable to change direction, went head first into the satellite. There was a large crackling sound as the beast burst into flames. As it burned, the world slowly returned to it's original state. 

Harry: Harry Mason three, monsters zero. 

Harry began to make his way to the sewer entrance near the school. On the way, he found what looked like a birthday card. On the envelope was the name Alessa. 

Harry: Hmm, I should try to deliver this. 

When Harry reached the bridge, he was magically warped to the entrance of the sewers. 

In the sewers, Harry was assaulted by many monsters with large claws. He also got lost many times, but he can't be faulted for this considering that the damn place looks exactly the same everywhere you go. 

When he finally emerged, Harry found himself in the resort area. Checking his map, he noticed a bar nearby, and decided to stop in for a drink....or two.....or thirty. 

Outside the bar, Harry could hear what sounded like a struggle. Thinking he was an action hero, he kicked in the door and aimed his gun. On the floor was Kaufmann, pinned down by a large headless teddy bear. Harry fired his gun, and missed. 

He missed? Wow, that was a real surprise. The bullet did, however, strike the eight ball on the nearby pool table, launching it into the throat of the creature. It choked to death, and fell off of Kaufmann. 

Harry: Hey man, are you okay? 

It was then that Harry realized that Kaufmann had his pants around his ankles. 

Harry: What the hell?!? 

Kaufmann: You idiot! You killed my girlfriend! 

Harry: Ohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrap! 

Kaufmann: So, did you find a way out? 

Harry: How? 

Kaufmann: I guess that means no. 

Harry: No, I mean "how"? How the hell could you do something like that? It's sick. 

Kaufmann: Well, I don't any more, thanks to you. Never mind that now, did you find a way out or not? 

Harry: I mean, I knew you were pretty messed up, but damn. 

Kaufmann: Okay, will you just drop it already? Answer my question. Do you know of a way out?! 

Harry: No! And even if I did, my mind is completely blank right now. 

Kaufmann: So how is this different from every other day? 

Harry: Oh, you're one to talk, monster lover. 

Kaufmann: That's it. I don't have to take this kind of crap. Screw you guys, I'm going home. 

It was then that Harry remembered the birthday card in his pocket. 

Harry: Hey, do you know someone named Alessa? 

Kaufmann: No. 

Harry: Damn it! Why does nobody know anybody else in this town? It's not that big! 

After Kaufmann left, Harry glanced down at the floor to see that Kaufmann had dropped a few things. Among them were a motel key... 

Harry: Most likely for him to take his ghouls to. 

...and a receipt with numbers written on the back. 

Harry: Probably from a prono shop. I bet he buys all kinds of sick demonic crap from them. 

Against his better judgement, Harry decided to check out the store. After putting the number into the combination lock on the door, he entered. It wasn't a porno shop, but a storage warehouse. 

Harry easily located a safe under the counter, and the combination for it. So much for security. Inside were large packets of a white substance. Harry looked around to make sure he wasn't being watched, and slipped one into his coat pocket. 

Harry: I'll take this for......evidence. Yeah, that's it. 

With nothing left to look at, Harry decided to check out Kaufmann's motel room. He could probably find all kinds of things to blackmail Kaufmann with. 

Once he had reached the motel and used Kaufmann's key, Harry found his way into a garage that housed a beautiful Harley Davidson. As Harry drooled over the bike, a coackroach crawled over his foot. Scared to death over the little insect, Harry began shooting at it. The man couldn't hit Mamoth. What made him think he could hit something the size of his own thumb? One of the bullets struck the bike and opened up the gas tank. Inside was a glass vial, filled with a strange red liquid. It was the same red liquid from the floor of the hospital. Harry decided that this batch must be better, since it was hidden. As he was about to take a drink, Kaufmann walked in. 

Kaufmann: Why is this door opened? I swore I....oh no, don't! 

Kaufmann ran up to Harry and snatched the bottle out of his hands. 

Kaufmann: What the hell's the matter with you!?! You trying to get yourself killed?!? 

Harry: I just wanted some fruit punch. 

Kaufmann: It's not fruit punch, you idiot! It's.......it's.........motot oil. 

Harry: Shouldn't motor oil be clear? Or at the most black? That stuff is red. 

Kaufmann: Forget about that. Instead of messing around with this, you should be looking for a way out. 

Harry: Look who's telling who not to mess around. I'm not the one who's playing hankey pankey with every demon that walks down the road. 

Kaufmann: That's enough! You mention that one more time and I'll kill you myself! 

Kaufmann stormed out the door with the bottle. 

Harry: Dickhead. 

Harry left the motel and continued on his way. He remembered what Lisa had said about using a boat to cross the lake, and decided to check the docks. On the way, the town once again shifted into the nightmare version of itself. 

Harry: You know, I'm getting really tired of this. I wish this damn town would just make up it's mind as to what it wants to look like. First it's old, then it's old and burnt. If it's going to change it's look, it could at least pick something decent. 

Harry made his way down to the docks and found a large boat. He headed towards the bridge to see if he could get it moving. As he was about to try the starter, the door opened and closed behind him. It was Cybil again. You know, if the monsters knew how to open doors, Harry would really be screwed. How many times is this that his friends have got the drop on him? 

Cybil: Harry, what's going on. 

Dahlia: It is the darkness that I was talking about. 

Harry: Ahhhhhh. Where the hell did you come from!?! 

Dahlia: You must stop it, before it's too late. If you don't, the dead will walk and martyrs will burn in hell. Frozen yogurt will no longer be fat free, and Gilligan will never get off the island. 

Harry: Oh no, poor Gilligan. 

Cybil: What do we have to do? 

Dahlia: You must make haste to the light house, and to the amusement park. 

Harry: Oh boy. I'm gonna ride the roller coasters, and go in the fun house and get some cotton candy and fudge, and... 

Cybil: I'll go to the amusement park. 

Harry: No, I wanna go. 

Cybil: No, Harry, you'll be too busy checking out the lighthouse. 

Harry: Oh, right. 

Dahlia: You will need to use it. 

Harry: Use what? 

Dahlia: The Flauros. 

Harry: That old thing? I got rid of that thing long ago. 

Dahlia: You what?!? 

Harry: Yeah. It was a real pain in the butt. Did it have to be so bulky? 

Dahlia: You idiot! Do you realize what you've done? 

Harry: Hey, you try fighting off monsters with that thing jabbing you in the leg. 

Dahlia: Never mind that. I'll go and find it. You must get to the lighthouse. 

Harry: The lighthouse. Got it. 

Dahlia: One more thing. Do you have any idea where you last saw it? 

Harry: Sorry. 

Harry ran to the lighthouse. On the way, he took a couple of wrong turns and got pounded on by these annoying ape looking guys. Harry was no match for their horrible hit detection. Harry began to run down the stairs to get away, but fell off of them and landed on his face. After losing a substantial amount of blood, Harry finally made it to the lighthouse. As he climbed the stairs, he ran into the wall a few times. 

At the top, the place looked freshly burnt with the mark of Samael. A girl in blue stood at the end of the lighthouse. 

Harry: Hey, you're that girl who made me wreck. We need to swap insurance information. 

Once again, Harry remembered the birthday card. 

Harry: Are you Alessa? I have a card for you. 

The girl quickly disappeared when Harry said this. 

Harry: Damn it. What's in this thing? I'm sick of carrying it around and not knowing. 

Harry tore open the letter and a blue light emitted from the envelope. Suddenly, a collaboration of white lights could be seen in the sky. 

Harry: What the heck? 

The lights grew brighter as they came closer to Harry. When they were close enough, Harry could see that they were UFO's. One of the crafts landed on the lighthouse and two aliens emerged. 

Harry: Hi guys. Have you seen a little girl around here? 

The aliens spoke in a strange language. I will translate for you. 

Mike the alien: Hey, what did Bob say he needed us to pick up for his recipe? 

Joe the alien: Dill weed. 

MTA: This guys a Dill Hole. Will that do? 

JTA: Close enough. Put him inside. 

The aliens used a device to zap Harry, and dragged him of to the ship. 

JTA: Man, I can't wait to try Bob's dip. 

MTA: We better get going. The game starts in twenty minutes. 

The aliens entered the spacecraft and flew off. 


	4. The Finale

Quiet Hill (Part 4)   
  


Once the girl in blue had disappeared, Harry decided that there was nothing left for him at the lighthouse. He wondered if he could make it to the carnival before Cybil went on the water slide without him. Outside the lighthouse, Harry was once again teleported. This time, he found himself on the bridge of the boat. 

Harry: Cybil? Where is everyone? Oh, wait, that's right. We never agreed to meet here. What am I thinking? 

Harry continued towards the amusement park. In order to reach it, he would once again have to go through the sewers. He descended the ladder and began running through the sewers again. 

Elsewhere, Cybil hadn't made it very far. In fact, Harry had almost caught up with her. As she peeked around the corner, something attacked her, sending a stream of blood into the air. 

Harry continued through the sewers. Near the end, he encountered what looked like teddy bears with sharp claws. Although Harry wanted to go up and hug them, he decided that it would probably waste too much time, and Cybil would go on the tunnel of love all by herself and be sad. 

When Harry emerged from the sewers, he was already at the park. Walking around by the entrance was a small black ghost that would squeak every time Harry came near it. 

Harry: Eww, get it away. 

Harry reached into his pocket for something to throw at it, and found the bottle with the red liquid. He threw it on the ghost and everything went crazy. Fortunately the game was being played on a PS2, so it didn't lock up. Stretched out versions of the characters flew past the screen as Cybil moaned and groaned. We're trying to keep this story PG-13, so maybe it's a good thing that we couldn't see what was going on. 

Cybil: Harry, why did they take your daughter? 

Harry: How should I know? I still don't even know who THEY are. To tell the truth, Cheryl isn't my real daughter. The real Cheryl died three years ago. I didn't want my wife to find out, so I went out to find a girl that looked just like Cheryl that I could pass off as her. The pet shop said they didn't carry little girls, so I had to look elsewhere. I found the new Cheryl just outside of this town. My wife never even knew the difference. 

Cybil: Harry, that's awful. 

Harry: Yeah, but what else can you do? 

As Harry talked, the girl in blue appeared again. Harry walked over to confront her. 

Harry: I knew you'd show up here. It was foretold by gyromancy. Wait, where have I heard that before? Are you Alessa? 

The girl nodded. 

Harry: Do you know where my daughter Cheryl is? She actually looks a lot like you. You could pass for sisters. Wanna come live with us? 

The girl shook her head and used her powers to throw Harry backwards. Suddenly, Dahlia Galespie ran in. 

Dahlia: Harry, I found the Flauros. Here, catch. 

She threw the item to Harry, and it caught him square in the forehead, knocking him out. 

While he was unconscious, Harry missed many interesting revelation. Dahlia revealed herself to be Alessa's mother. She was also the third gunman on the grassy knoll, and the person responsible for the creation of the boy band. She was truly evil. After she had a few laughs, she activated the Flauros and made everything go crazy. 

Harry awoke in the hospital again. Lisa had a weird twitch in her eye, either that or she was winking at Harry. 

Harry: Oh great. Now I'm gonna have to go through those sewers and do all that other stuff again. 

Lisa: So Harry, where's my pizza? 

Harry: Damn. I knew I forgot something. 

Lisa: It's okay. I'm not hungry anymore. I couldn't get what you said earlier out of my head. So I went down to the basement, even though I was scared as hell. 

Harry: No, hell doesn't get scared, it gives scared. 

Lisa: I couldn't help feeling that I had been there before. 

Harry: You liar! You told me you had never been down there before. 

Lisa: But what I found was... 

Harry: Relax. You're probably still in shock from being knocked unconscious. 

Lisa: No, Harry, you were the one who was knocked out. 

Harry: Oh, that's right. Well, maybe you're just loosing your mind. 

Lisa: Screw you. I'm outta here. 

Harry: I'll call you. 

Harry was left alone in the room. Suddenly, the silence was pierced by a loud rumbling noise. 

Harry: I gotta get something to eat. 

Harry looked around the room, and found a notebook sitting on the desk. By reading the notebook, Harry learned that he was in a place called Nowhere. 

Now, let's see how many times I can say nowhere. 

With nowhere else to go, Harry exited the room. He found himself on a path that lead to an elevator. The elevator seemed to hover in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to hold it up. The doors of the elevator opened, and a voice came over the speakers. 

Voice: Harry Mason, please report to the downstairs area at this time. 

Harry: I'm being summoned. What happened in this town? I have a feeling that If I take this elevator down, I'll find out. At least I hope I will, because there's not much time left in this game. 

When the doors opened, Harry found himself back in the evil hospital. Out of nowhere, a transparent vision of Alessa began to run down the hall. Harry tried to catch it, and ended up knocking it down. 

Alessa: Ow, watch it you big jerk. 

The ghost suddenly disappeared into nowhere. Harry really didn't know where to go next, so he tried some of the doors. Most of them were locked, and some just lead to nowhere. Finally, Harry found one that was opened. 

The room looked like one found in the school. There was a single desk sitting in the middle of the room, and there were more desks nowhere else in the room. The desk had many things carved into it such as: 

Mrs. Tiller is a whore 

Midwich sucks 

Alessa was here 

So this desk belonged Alessa. The room lead to nowhere else of interest, so Harry decided to leave. 

Back in the hall, Harry found another door had opened. This one lead to another hallway in the hospital. As he entered the room, Harry looked down at his shoes. No wear and tear on them, they were in excellent condition. 

One door in this hall had a coded lock on it, so Harry turned his attention to it. The password was nowhere to be found, so Harry just punched random buttons until he got it. It turned out that the password was Alert, and this set off the fire alarm. Harry ducked into the room as the sprinklers came on. 

Inside the room was Lisa. 

Lisa: Harry, I understand now. All this time I thought I was the only one, but I'm not. I'm the same as them. 

Harry: What the hell are you talking about? 

Lisa: Help me Harry, please. 

Lisa stumbled towards Harry. Not having very much experience with girls in a while, he panicked and pushed her away. 

Harry: Eww, girl cooties. 

Lisa ran into the wall and hit her head. Blood began to pour out of the wound. Out of nowhere, sad music had begun to play in the room. Harry looked down to discover that the music originated from his radio. He quickly changed the station to something else. 

Girls: Give it to me baby. 

Guy: Uh hu, uh hu. And all the girlies say I'm pretty fly for a white guy. 

Harry: Hey, they must be singing about me. 

Lisa stood up and began to walk towards Harry again. Harry backed away and ran out the door, slamming it shut behind him. Lisa pounded on the door. 

Lisa: Harry, let me out. There's a rat in here with me. 

Harry: No way. You'll get blood on my clothes. 

There was a strange sound, and the pounding ceased. Harry decided to explore. When he entered the room, Lisa was nowhere to be seen. A book lay on the floor. Upon closer examination, Harry learned that it was Lisa's diary. It was a sad account, mostly because of the poor grammar and lack of punctuation. Being a writer himself, Harry began to cry over the poor use of the English language. 

Harry exited the room, and returned to the original hallway. Out of nowhere, the demon children from the school returned. The only difference was that they were now transparent. 

Child: Hey mister, we broke our ball. Get us another one, or we'll break you next. 

The children backed Harry into a corner. 

Harry: That's it. I've had enough of you guys pushing me around. Feel the wrath of my foot. 

Harry pulled his foot back, and nailed the first one square in the head. Wait a minute, you mean he actually managed to hit something? Wow! That's amazing. This is absolutely spectacular. It's about damn time. 

Aware of his newfound weapon, Harry sent the second child flying down the hall. The third one tried to run away, but was no match for Harry's long reach. With the three terrors immobilized, Harry was free to explore once again. But there was nowhere else he hadn't explored that he could get into. Suddenly, he heard the door behind him unlock. The door lead to the elevators once again. Harry feared that it would go nowhere, but he was able to take it up to the second floor. 

As he walked down the blackened corridor, Harry continued to kick monsters and to sing. 

Harry: When there's something, strange in your neighborhood, who you gonna call? Harry Mason. 

Inside one of the rooms, Harry found a VCR, and he once again tried his video tape. The tape showed Lisa sitting in the examination room. 

Harry: Damn, doesn't that girl ever leave that room. 

Lisa: Okay, hello. My name is Lisa Garland, and I think that I would be perfect for the part of Mary Jane Watson in the upcoming Spider Man movie. I have many credits to my name, including a number of horror films, and a walk on part on Star Trek: The Next Generation. If you are interested, contact me at my home any time from five to eight in the evenings at 214-867-5309. 

Harry left the tape and returned to the hallway. In the next room he found a camera. 

Harry: Good. Now I can get a picture of Dahlia and send it into Fangoria magazine. They'll pay a fortune. 

With nowhere else to explore on the second floor, Harry returned to the elevator and took it up to the third floor. The doors opened, and Harry found himself in a kitchen. It really got him nowhere, because the only thing in the entire room was a large refrigerator. As he walked by the refrigerator, something on the inside pounded on the doors. Curious as to what was making the noise, Harry looked inside. When the doors were opened, creatures began to pour out. There were large plant like things, a few lumps of slime, and something that looked like it had once been a chicken. 

Chicken: Thanks, man. We've been in there for a long time. I guess they just forgot about us. 

Harry: Uh.........sure.........no problem. 

Chicken: So, did they ever lift the prohibition on alcohol? I could sure go for a drink. 

Without answering, Harry turned and walked back into the elevator. 

Back in the hall on the first floor, the final door had been unlocked. Good thing too, because there was nowhere else to go. It lead to yet another hallway, with many doors lining the sides. Most were locked, but a few were opened. Through the first door, Harry found himself in a room covered with graffiti with sayings like: 

Cheeko 

Kebby J 4 Ever 

Eat at Bubba's 

In the corner, crying under a desk, was the ghost of Alessa. 

Harry: What's wrong? Why are you crying? 

Alessa: I just herd that New Kids on the Block are breaking up. 

Harry: Oh, so these must be Alessa's memories. 

The ghost vanished into nowhere, and Harry was left alone. He continued to explore the other rooms until he came across one with a hospital bed in it. Out of nowhere, four ghostly figures appeared before Harry. He recognized two of them as Kaufmann and Dahlia. One of them looked like one of the demon doctors from the evil hospital, and the last one sounded like Marlon Brando in the Godfather. 

Doctor: So then it's settled. 

Godfather: Yes. Everything will be ready soon. 

The ghost of Dahlia spoke on the phone. 

Dahlia: So, we're going to go with two large pepperoni and sausage pizzas, and throw in a bottle of Pepsi. Hold on a second. He wants to know if we want breadsticks with our order. 

Kaufmann: Do they come with dipping sauce? 

Dahlia: Do we get dipping sauce? Yes. 

Kaufmann: Go for it. 

Dahlia: Have it here in twenty minutes, or we'll kill you. 

Doctor: Now that that's settled, on to business. 

Godfather: Oh, yeah. What are we going to do about the girl? 

Dahlia: We'll set her on fire, then use a magic spell to get the rest of the power. 

Godfather: What good will setting her on fire do? 

Dahlia: I don't know, but it sounds like fun. 

Doctor: Cool. 

Kaufmann: Next line of business, something has to be done about these Pogs that kids keep spending their money on. 

Godfather: Yeah, they're really stupid. We have to put a stop to them. 

The figures vanished just as easily as they had appeared. 

Harry walked across the hall, and entered the final room he hadn't been in. His investigation was going nowhere. It was a little girl's room. There were dresses hung in the closet, and drawings all over the floor. Harry picked some of them up and looked at them. There was one of the giant lizard shaking hads with Mamoth, and another of one of the winged demons at an ice-cream stand. 

Harry: Talk about a demented childhood. No wonder she kept trying to kill us in our sleep when we first got her. 

Harry walked through the door at the other end of the room. He had come to the end of nowhere. Used it twenty four times, not bad. On the other side of the door, Harry found himself in the place called Somewhere. Before his eyes, the ghost of Dahlia returned. She was talking to someone inside another room. 

Dahlia: Alessa, sweetie, please come downstairs and eat your vegetables. 

Alessa: No. I won't do it. You eat them. 

Dahlia: But how can you hope to get big and strong if you don't eat them? 

Alessa: I'm eating chocolate for dinner, so ha ha. 

Dahlia: That's not good for you. 

Alessa: Screw you. I'll eat whatever I damn well please. 

Dahlia: I really wish you wouldn't talk to me like that. I am your mother. 

Alessa: Kiss my ass, bitch. 

The ghosts disappeared, and Harry examined his surroundings. He was now in a room he had never been inside before. There was a staircase leading down, which lead Harry to conclude that he was on the fifth floor. Why he chose that number I don't know, so don't ask. 

Harry: Wait a minute. I've seen this place before. It was in Psycho. This is exactly what the top floor of the house in that movie looked like. That must be it. Dahlia is really Kaufmann dressed up as a woman. I knew nobody could be that ugly. 

Harry ran down the stairs to confront his enemies. At the bottom, he found Dahlia, Alessa, Cybil, and a person wrapped in bandages. 

Dahlia: So I told her "If you want it gift wrapped that bad, you can do it your damn self." That's why I no longer work at Wal-Mart. 

Cybil: Freeze. 

Dahlia: Sorry, I didn't notice you there. Otherwise I would have done this earlier. 

Dahlia used her powers to throw Cybil onto the ground. 

Harry: Dahlia! What the hell is going on here? Where's Cheryl? 

Dahlia: What are you talking about? She's right in front of you. 

Harry: Oh, I get it. Alessa is Cheryl's real name. So who's that in the bandages. 

Dahlia: This is Lord Imhotep from the movie "The Mummy". He's here to help with the ceremony. 

With that, there was a blinding light, and Alessa and Imhotep were combined into an angelic young girl. 

Harry: No more games. I know your little secret, Kaufmann. 

Kaufmann: What secret is that? 

Kaufmann walked in behind Harry, carrying something in his hand. 

Harry: Well, so much for my theory. 

Kaufmann: What are you doing? I thought you were going to wait for me. 

Dahlia: Well, if you hadn't taken all damn day to get here I would have. 

Kaufmann: Yeah, well do you know what this is? 

He held up the bottle of the red liquid. 

Dahlia: Karo syrup and food coloring? 

Kaufmann: We'll see about that. 

Kaufmann threw the bottle onto the angel. It exploded on contact and covered the girl in a sticky red substance. She began to scream, and collapsed. Suddenly, a white light shot out of her back and a large winged beast emerged. 

Kaufmann: Wait. That's not supposed to happen. 

Dahlia: Sucker. 

The demon took to the air, and lightning bolts rained on Dahlia. 

Dahlia: Hahahahaha. Wait, that's not the right reaction. Wait, now I remember. Ahhhhhhhhh. The pain is unbearable. 

Dahlia died, and the creature turned it's attention to Harry. 

Harry: Oh great. How do you expect me to kick that high. 

Harry was struck with lightning and collapsed. 

Cybil: Guess it's up to us to save the world. 

Kaufmann: Looks that way, doesn't it. 

The two began to fire into the monster. 

Cybil: So what exactly were you guys trying to do? 

Kaufmann: We were trying to bring back Elvis, but things took a wrong turn. 

Cybil: I'll say. 

Within seconds it was dead. As it fell to the ground, the world around started to collapse. 

Cybil: We are so screwed. 

Kaufmann: Tell me about it. 

Harry: What the hell? I leave you guys alone for one minute, and you bring about the end of the world. 

The creature melted away, and Alessa was left behind. Harry ran up to her. 

Harry: Hey, uh, sorry about the whole not telling you the truth and almost getting you killed thing. 

Alessa: Don't worry about it. 

Alessa reached behind her, and handed Harry a newborn baby. 

Alessa: Try not to kill this one, okay. 

Harry: I'll try but... oops. 

Harry dropped the baby on the ground and quickly scooped it back up. 

Alessa: I'll open a portal. You guys just get out of here. 

As the three ran for the opening, a strange silver liquid started to come up through the metal grating. Slowly, it formed itself into human form. 

Cybil: No, not a T-1000. 

The T-1000 changed it's shape, and took on the appearance of Lisa. 

Harry: So that's how she escaped from that room. 

Lisa ran up and grabbed Kaufmann around the neck. 

Lisa: Come on, Kaufmann. I need some of that good stuff. 

Kaufmann: Not until you pay me the money you already owe me, you lousy deadbeat. 

Lisa: You know I'm good for it. Let's go to my place and discuss it. 

Kaufmann: Nooooo. 

Lisa pulled Kaufmann down through the grating with her. 

Harry: They should be very happy together. 

Cybil and Harry ran as fast as they could. Just as they were about to run through the door, a pile of flaming debris came crashing down on them. 

Alessa: Oops, sorry. Guess I was a little late on that one. 

Alessa lifted the debris of the two and they continued. They made it out just as the doorway closed. 

After a few seconds, Cybil stopped running. 

Cybil: Harry, you can stop now. We got away. 

Harry: That's what they want you to think. Keep running. 

It took about ten minutes for Cybil to convince Harry to stop. When he finally did, the two were on the edge of a graveyard. Harry looked down at the baby, and Cybil played with it. 

Cybil: Got your nose. 

Harry grabbed Cybil's badge. 

Harry: How do you like having things stolen from you?   
  


Kaufmann and Lisa decided to give up their lives of drugs, and now speak at schools and charity events about the dangers of addiction. 

Alessa survived the incident through some stroke of luck. She is scheduled to be one of the contestants on the next season of Survivor. 

Dahlia Galespie is still dead. At least, we all hope she is. 

Cybil Bennet soon rose to the ranks of chief of police, then was busted down to meter maid after she was caught taking bribes, and had posed for pictures in Playboy. 

Harry's new daughter, Meryl, would eventually go on to help Harry's brother-in-law Roy Campbell and Solid Snake to defeat the terrorists at Shadow Moses. 

As for Harry, he made a fortune writing about things he saw during his adventure. "Happy Lizard Meets Mr. Mamoth" has been one of the best selling children's books for three months now. His next book, "Chirpy's Day at the Ice Cream Stand" is scheduled to be out this summer. 

And finally, Samael was resurrected in 4127 AD, and began a war with humanity that would last for fifteen years. But that is another story. 


End file.
